Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
