I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
