Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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