Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
