But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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