I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
