put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
