i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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