then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
smell my finger.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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