FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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