I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
