Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
its not stalking. its research.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
