Someone shit on the floor
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My bed smells like the plague
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