this boner is exhausting
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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