youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
