1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
FUCK WHALES
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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