You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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