she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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