I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize