omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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