Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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