Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
