DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
