so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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