the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
