she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
