I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
