I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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