help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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