Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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