Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
