So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
