Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
