i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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