hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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