i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I AM VODKA MAN
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I enjoy the company of your penis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
