; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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