pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
