I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
