Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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