Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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