i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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