There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
