it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
