It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize