just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
