dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
