YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
