What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
