I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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