i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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