plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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