So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
