maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
