I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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