Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
