she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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