I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
