I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize