Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
