Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
