like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
