Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
