tell your sister to shave her snatch
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize