Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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