I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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