I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
