Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just forgot I was standing up.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
