she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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