hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
