im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
