sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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