TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
