ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
