apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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