After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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