I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
