Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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