is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize