she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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