Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
