i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
