he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize