I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
