I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
