i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
