I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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