I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
