You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
