Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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