Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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