I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
