I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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