those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
