Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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