I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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